i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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