News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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