no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
