***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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