I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
