i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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