just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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