Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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