if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
