So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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