Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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