The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
