she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
