ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
