We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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