I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just had sex on a roof
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
