I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
