You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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