you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
