yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
