so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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