Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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