All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
