I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
