oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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