hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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