Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
