People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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