That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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