They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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