She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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