Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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