how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
