OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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