he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
