It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
