Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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