I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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