if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
