I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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