After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
