It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
