she looked like the before picture.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
