Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
