shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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