ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
