this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
