So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
