yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
