I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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