Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
