either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
