I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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