sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
