tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
