I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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