Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
