I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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