I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
